Natural Parenting
announcements
May’s free workshop is extra special. To commemorate Mental Health Awareness month, I’m joined by a psychologist speaking about child and youth mental health, and an amazing young woman who navigates her own mental health challenges. Join us on Friday!
Please share with any friends who work at University of California, San Francisco. To commemorate Asian Pacific Islander Heritage month, I’m offering Parenting and Intergenerational Healing for UCSF students and employees. It’s on May 9 and Here’s the link.
Want to check out that Intergenerational Healing workshop, but don’t work for UCSF? I’m offering the same content for Parents’ Place on May 29. Cost $30
the heart of the matter
I heard a psychologist describe herself recently as a “natural psychologist,” and my first thought was: What the hell does that mean? She went on to explain that when someone is dealing with a mental health issue, there are three broad categories of support: medication, therapy, and, her specialty, everything else. She focuses on the full, textured, context of a person’s life: their relationships, food, movement, sleep, friendships, joy, meaning. A light bulb turned on for me.
I’m kind of a natural parent educator. I don’t love the term (please send me your better ideas!), but the core of it is this: I help parents find support not just in strategies or systems, but in the full ecosystem of their lives. For me, that comes down to three things: parenting tools, intergenerational wisdom and healing, and… everything else.
Parenting tools are the techniques and practices we use to help our kids manage big feelings and guide their triggered behaviors. Parents find me when sh!+ is going down in their household and they want immediate help. Applying these tools usually results in a 10-20% shift toward positive behaviors in just a week or two. Folks in The Village Well community rave about the “when… then…” strategy: “When your shoes are on, then we can read a book together.” I worked with a dad who shifted from yelling every morning to using just one calm but firm “when-then” phrase. It changed the entire tone of their mornings and improved their relationship. Other popular tools I teach include the five second rule, special time, and serve and return.
The second piece is intergenerational wisdom and healing. So much of how we parent comes from how we were parented, whether we’re copying it or transforming it. A Vietnamese grandmother once told me, “Children are not clay to mold. They are seeds to water.” That wisdom helped her daughter release the pressure to "shape" her child and instead nourish who her son already was.
At the same time, I know a mom who grew up being spanked for every misstep. The affirmation she repeated to herself became, “I act with compassion.” She chose a new story for the next generation.
And then there’s everything else. Because parenting isn’t just what we do—it’s how we are. I know a solo mom who asked a friend to watch the kids every Thursday night so she could go Tango dancing. She told me, “It’s the one time I don’t belong to anyone else.” And of course her patience with her kids improved too. My kids know to ask me for favors when I come home from Saturday pickleball because I’m in a good mood. Another parent I work with started doing 10 minutes of guided breathing in the car before pickup. “I show up to my kid like I’ve already had a glass of wine,” she laughed. We don’t need to be perfect parents. But we do need to be resourced humans.
We throw the “parenting is hard” cliché around, but we don’t talk enough about what we need to do to sustain this hard work. If you are training for a tough athletic event, a good coach is going help you monitor sleep, nutrition, hydration, and recovery. I’m asking you to monitor the same things, as well as your stress levels, the quality of your adult relationships, and the time you commit to experiencing joy with and without your kids. Take a few seconds now to think about how these “natural” factors are impacting your life and the quality of your interaction with your kids.
So maybe you’re a “natural parent,” too. Someone who’s learning the tools, listening to old wisdom, and finding your joy—because that’s the best soil for our kids to grow. What should we call that? I’m still workshopping it. Got ideas? Hit reply—I want to hear yours. ed@villagewellparenting.com
Here are a couple bonus tools in video or essay form:
Parenting tool: Why you suck at giving directions
Intergenerational healing and wisdom: How trauma responses affect our parenting
Everything else: Question hustle culture
we’re obsessed with
In the post-war, pre-Roe era, some pregnant teens were sent to places called maternity homes. The girl would give birth in secret, surrender her baby, and return to her life as if nothing had happened. Witchcraft for Wayward Girls is a historical fiction that follows 15 year old Neva after her dad dumps her at one such location. But there’s a twist, a librarian recommends a spell book to the Neva and her fellow wayward girls that seems to actually work. I’ve chosen this as one of my summer reading books. I forced myself to stop at page 50. The writing and character development is superb. I’ll summon this story back into my life when in June.
Hobby Sunday. In our ever-evolving battle to help our kids experience a non-digital world, we’ve implemented screen-free Sundays for both parents and kids. Realizing that the title focused on what we couldn’t do, my husband rebranded it to “Hobby Sunday,” a day to focus on things that we love doing. We ride our bikes, read together, do jigsaw puzzles or bake. If it sounds idyllic, please know that my kids whine incessantly and are much more likely to fight. And yet, last Sunday my boys brushed the tangles out of each other’s hair for half an hour. Is it worth it? Maybe just barely.
where we’ve been
We had a productive group coaching session with the Community Youth Center staff, exploring how to design powerful and accessible programs for their youth. We did a deep dive into working with kids with disabilities and mental health challenges.
In partnership with BANANAS, we presented "Parenting with Generational Wisdom" workshop that highlights the valuable cultural wisdom and family values inherent in each parent's background.
In partnership with NAMI, we presented the “Supporting Spirited Kids” workshop. This workshop helped attendees understand and support kids with big feelings and impulsive behaviors. Kids navigating mental illness are likely to act in ways that are challenging for parents and kidraisers. This workshop gave an overview of how to understand and support these kiddos.
Book a workshop for your school or organization.
Bring The Village Well to your school or organization. We provide powerful, interactive and fun workshops for parents and/or staff. Learn more.
Ed Center, the founder of The Village Well, is a parenting coach and educator certified in the Triple P method. The Village Well is a community of parents in BIPOC families, focused on attaining more joy, calm, and meaning in family life. We coach parents to prioritize their own healing and wellness, deepen connections with their kids, and learn tools to support better behavior. Services include Parenting workshops, Parenting courses, and community events. Our support is culturally-grounded support and honors your unique family. Ready to stop yelling? Schedule a free consultation with one of our team members.
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