Five Seconds that Changed Everything
announcements
Welcome Kids’ Country educators! A bunch of you signed up for this newsletter last week when I presented on Positive Relationships and Safety in San Ramon. I hope you find the content helpful and inspiring. Welcome to The Village Well community.
The Hardest Thing About Raising Kids
Friday, March 13, 2026 | 12:00 PM to 12:45 PM
Free | Open to All
The hardest part of parenting or teaching? Staying calm when the kids aren't. If you’re tired of being "triggered" by meltdowns and want to reclaim your cool, join us for a free, fast-paced workshop focused entirely on your self-regulation.
The Game Plan:
What is a Trigger? Identify what actually sets you off.
The Power of "The Pause": How to stop reacting and start responding.
3 Tips for the Storm: Practical tools to stay grounded during a crisis.
Bottom line: You can’t help a child regulate if you’re dysregulated. Let's fix that.
Better Together: Join the Inclusion Jumpstart Series
Fridays, March 6, 13, & 20, 2026 | 10:00 AM to 12:00 PM
Free | DCYF Grantees
Ed Center of The Village Well is proud to partner with Support for Families of Children with Disabilities (SFCD) to bring you the Inclusion Jumpstart Series. This collaborative three-part training is designed to help youth programs move beyond "compliance" and toward creating truly welcoming, accessible spaces where every young person—regardless of ability—can thrive.
By combining The Village Well’s community focus with SFCD’s deep expertise in disability support, we’re offering a comprehensive roadmap to strengthen your program’s inclusive practices.
What to Expect
This series breaks down the legal, ethical, and practical "how-to" of inclusion across three focused Friday sessions:
PART 1 – The Foundation: Understand federal and DCYF requirements while learning practical strategies to welcome youth with disabilities and adapt activities safely.
PART 2 – The Systems: Dive into environment checklists and routines that reduce incidents and strengthen staff readiness.
PART 3 – The Transformation: Work through real-world scenarios—from behavior support to conflict resolution—to ensure these changes stick.
All three workshops (6 hours total) must be completed to meet DCYF grantee requirements.
Don’t just meet a requirement—transform your program.
Supporting Kids with Big Feelings and Challenging Behaviors
Monday, March 23, 2026 | 1:00 PM to 2:30 PM
Free | DCYF Grantees
Some kids just have an extra spark. Whether they’re deep feelers, high-energy explorers, or navigating ADHD, "one-size-fits-all" support doesn't always honor their unique wiring.
Join us for a workshop focused on trading power struggles for partnership. We’ll dive into how these incredible, spirited children see the world and share practical ways to help them feel understood, supported, and empowered.
YAYA Curriculum Exchange
the heart of the matter
This is part 1 of a series on nervous system regulation. I’ll preview the rest of the series at the end of this newsletter.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Eli Wiesel
I want to take you back to October 2020, a desperate time in my household and the spark of what would become The Village Well.
It was the worst of times. The lockdown stretched far beyond the three weeks we anticipated. In San Francisco, preschools and learning hubs had successfully reopened, but public schools remained closed.
Just before COVID, my older son had been diagnosed with ADHD. I wish I had understood that virtual learning was never going to work for him. Instead, I interpreted his work avoidance as stubbornness and laziness. He avoided schoolwork by disappearing into YouTube, Minecraft, and chat threads. I nagged and threatened consequences. Our power struggles escalated into daily screaming matches. He threw things. He threatened his younger brother. He scrawled obscenities on the walls.
One night, I told him he needed to brush his teeth before watching TV. He refused. I held my stance. Two hours later, we were still screaming. His mental health was unraveling and so was mine. When he escalated, I escalated. I would get big and menacing; a silverback gorilla intimidating him into submission. My reactions only poured gasoline on his fire.
I knew I needed help. I read the books, took the courses, and consulted therapists.
None of it worked.
Because every strategy required one thing first - regulation.
When I was triggered, I felt powerful energy and a fight instinct surge through my body. My anger felt automatic, physiological, unstoppable.
Until I realized a lesson from the soccer field. If an object flies toward my head, I instinctively duck and throw my hands up. That is survival wiring. But in soccer, I keep my hands down and hit the ball with my forehead.
How did I override instinct? Through intention, training, repetition, and time.
I started practicing one thing. When he spiraled, I would say nothing and do nothing. It felt impossible. Adrenaline surged. My internal warrior wanted to fight. At first, I could pause for one second. Sometimes two. Over weeks, that became three. Then five.
That was the birth of The Pause. The Pause is noticing you are about to get triggered and choosing not to act for five seconds.
No reacting.
No correcting.
No escalating.
It’s both the simplest and most challenging thing I’ve ever done. In the first split second after a trigger, your brain scans for threat. Your history floods in. Your authority wounds. Your fear of being judged. Your fear of losing control.
If your child or student has ADHD, autism, trauma, anxiety, or sensory needs, you know this moment!
Your body reacts before your brain catches up.
The Pause lengthens the space between trigger and reaction.
In that space, you get choice.
"I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. YOU get better." Joan Rivers
I got better.
My son still struggled. He did not suddenly love school. He did not stop exploding.
But when I stopped escalating, the temperature of our home changed. When I stopped fighting survival with survival, we could finally access curiosity, repair, and problem solving. The Pause did not fix my son. It stopped me from making things worse.
And that changed everything.
what’s coming in this series
This is Part 1 of a series on nervous system leadership for parents and educators who work with kids with disabilities and big behaviors.
In the coming weeks, we will explore:
Part 2: Practicing for the Rough Moments
Using affirmations and scripts to prepare for common triggers
Part 3: Teaching Kids to Pause
When we learn to calm our nervous systems, we can teach these skills to kids
a story of hope
a dose of positivity, because damn it, we need it!
San Francisco recently gave middle class families with young children a major boost – a major increase in childcare support. Under the changes, a family of four making less than $230,000 per year — 150% of the area median income — will qualify for free child care from one of about 500 providers starting this month. Currently, the cutoff for free child care is set at 110% of the area median income, which is about $170,000 for a family of four.
https://www.sfchronicle.com/sf/article/lurie-child-care-subsidies-21293099.php
This is a genius example of hands-on service learning for high school kids.
Northern California’s first condor egg in over 100 years! I’m a raptor bird nerd. But even if you aren’t, this is a beautiful symbol of humans rallying to preserve our natural legacy.
This footage is from condors in captivity, not the birds in this article
my regular rant against screen time
let’s stop pretending that child screen use has pros and cons
A Kentucky high school imposed one of the strictest cellphone policies in the country. Things did not go as planned.
we’re obsessed with
what we talk about around The Well
Shit. I woke up on Saturday morning and learned that our government has started another war of questionable value. NPR’s intelligence podcast Sources and Methods provides excellent updates and analysis.
Harriett
Netflix’s algorithm fed me some Black History Month content, and I watched Harriett starring Cynthia Erivo from 2019. It’s excellent. Erivo earned an Oscar nomination for her portraying Harriett Tubman with power, complexity, and vulnerability. It made me want to learn much more about one of America’s greatest heroes. This movie is a great vehicle to deepen tweens and teens’ knowledge of slavery, and the resistance and resilience of Black Americans. Note- this movie portrays slavery’s brutality with violence and frequent use of the N-word. Determine if the content is appropriate for your children in advance.
where we’ve been
In partnership with the Center for Children and Youth, we presented ‘Positive Parenting 101: The Power of Positive Guidance’ to the Stratford Schools. The session focused on how mindfulness and intentional interaction build the foundation for a resilient parent-child bond.
We co-facilitated ‘The Power of Play: How Occupational Therapy Supports Kids on the Spectrum’ alongside expert OTs Sena and Sahana from Development is Child’s Play. The workshop explored how specialized, play-based OT transforms the daily lives of neurodivergent children by meeting them exactly where they are.
We led the 'Positive Interactions with Kids' workshop for the Kids’ Country team. The training focused on the essential pillars of Relationship Building, Safety & Security, and Transitions & Attention Getters.
We facilitated the ‘Supporting Spirited Kids’ workshop for the Center for Children and Youth (CYC) team. This specialized session focused on shifting the perspective from "managing behavior" to "nurturing temperament," providing staff with the tools to support our most energetic and strong-willed learners.
Book a workshop for your school or organization
Bring The Village Well to your school or organization. We provide powerful, interactive and fun workshops for parents and/or staff. Learn more
Ed Center, the founder of The Village Well, is a parenting coach and educator certified in the Triple P method. The Village Well is a community of parents in BIPOC families, focused on attaining more joy, calm, and meaning in family life. We coach parents to prioritize their own healing and wellness, deepen connections with their kids, and learn tools to support better behavior. Services include Parenting workshops, Parenting courses, and community events. Our support is culturally-grounded support and honors your unique family. Ready to stop yelling? Schedule a free consultation with one of our team members.
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