He Slammed the Door, and I Stayed Calm. Here’s Why.
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Career Preparation for Youth with Disabilities
Monday, May 11, 2026 | 12:00 PM to 12:45 PM
Online
Free | All are welcome
Join us for a free workshop for parents and educators as we interview Ashley Blanco on strategies for helping youth with disabilities carve their own paths to a thriving adulthood. Ashley is a career coach who begins her unique process with kids as young as nine. Her approach integrates sensory awareness, movement, and pattern recognition to help students build the transferable skills and confidence needed for long-term success.
a special request
This “heart of the matter” is an excerpt from the draft of the book I’m writing! It’s about teaching behavior skills to kids with big feelings and big behaviors. It has lots of personal anecdotes where I embarrass myself and my children. If you have any connections to publishers or folks in that world, please connect me to them! If you know anything about getting a book published, please reach out to me!
the heart of the matter
My nine year old got upset with me this morning. That’s not unusual.
His latest obsession is magic tricks. He asked me if we could watch some Youtube videos that teach tricks. I agreed. He got dressed and brushed his teeth. I looked at the clock. Crap! It’s time to leave for school. I told him that we wouldn’t have time for videos this morning, but I would make time to watch them tonight. He sulked. “But you said we could!” he insisted. I responded that he was right, I did say that, and that I had poor time management. I validated the suckiness of the moment and told him that it was still time to go to school. I held my breath. My son has big feelings and this could go in any direction. I said a mental prayer to the god of weekday mornings.
He went to school! He grumbled, grabbed his backpack, and headed out the door. Before leaving he turned back at me and scowled. Then he slammed the door behind him.
I felt a familiar surge of anger well up through my body. The attitude! The disrespect! The gall! My mother’s voice threatened to explode from my body; you better drop that attitude young man! But this time, I was able to let the wave pass through me without acting. Maybe I was just relieved that he got out the door. I did the things I’ve learned to do.
I took a deep breath. Then three more.
I paused for five seconds. Then 10 more. Then 30 more. I said my affirmation: “this is not an emergency.”
As I calmed, I asked myself an important question, why should he drop the attitude?
Yes, I felt disrespected. Yes, he violated my sense of family hierarchy that has been passed down to me through generations. But is this hierarchy still useful and relevant to my family values and goals?
I was raised that there are good and bad emotional states. Happiness, gratitude, harmony: these were expected. Anger, frustration, and the like were unwelcome and warranted scolding, lectures, or punishments. I’m trying to raise my kids with different values. I want my kids to know that all emotions are valid. I want them to see that I’m not afraid of any feeling they might have.
I also want them to know that there are appropriate and inappropriate actions. So in this case, my boy did the right thing. He went to school when I told him to. That doesn’t mean he has to like it or show that he’s enthusiastic about it. I think about all the times I’ve been in this situation as an adult:
My husband cancels a date night because something urgent came up at work.
I recommend that we do a certain thing at work, but my boss overrules me.
I want to take the whole family to the beach, but the teenager isn’t feeling it.
I adapt in each of these cases and formulate Plan B. But I don’t like it, and I let myself show that. I might cancel the sitter and hang out with the kids while my husband works, but tell him it sucks. I might write an email to my boss so that my disagreement is in writing, but work hard to execute according to her decision. I might take just one kid to the beach, but do a little guilt-tripping.
Registering dissatisfaction is an important skill in adulthood. Doing something and expressing our frustration happens all the time. I want my kids to have these skills as adults. Therefore, I should help them develop those skills now.
When my boy came home that night, we watched some magic trick videos. We are both practicing palming a quarter in each hand. Before bed, I told him that he did a great job going to school even though he was upset. I praised him for doing the right thing.
We’ll keep working on three things in this house: magic tricks, better time management… and gentler door-closing techniques. Everything else? That’s just learning to be human.
my rant against screen time
LA Unified Limits Screen Time for all youth, and prohibits screens for younger students. After Australia and Spain banned social media, are the dominoes starting to fall in the US? How about a ban on social media in California?
we’re obsessed with
Genius Alert: Simone Giertz Just Solved Our Messiest Habit. We are officially obsessed. The brilliant Simone Giertz has finally tackled the "universal design flaw" of the human bedroom: the dreaded pile of half-dirty clothes. While the rest of us just accepted "The Chair" as a messy fact of life, Simone used her signature ingenuity to turn it into a literal masterpiece. It’s also possible you think this is a dumb waste of space. Watch here and let me know what you think.
Parents, we are doing too much. I’ve said this before, but this NYT opinion, Parents, Consider Underachieving, says it much better. At one point the author sighs, “I’m just so tired, and so bad at crafts.” I see you, Sis.
The Hidden Cost of Separating “Emotionally Disturbed” Students. I’ve heard the phrase Emotionally Disturbed in schools before but never really knew what it meant. This insightful, story driven, podcast taught me about this sub-population of students and how we need to do much more to serve them. From my favorite NPR host, Ayesha Rascoe.
This salmon recipe is the apex of both ease and deliciousness. Salt salmon fillets, then spread a generous layer of mango chutney on top. Roast at 400 degrees for 11 minutes. Watch the whole family devour dinner. I told my friend Savitha that I invented this dish. She said, “Ok, Columbus.” She also recommended Brooklyn Delhi chutney from Whole Foods. Damn, it leveled up my colonization dish even more!
where we’ve been
Advancing Inclusion with DCYF. We recently delivered two high-impact workshops focused on moving beyond compliance toward true belonging for youth with disabilities. At our Inclusive Programs session—filmed as a city-wide professional resource—participants mastered Universal Design and trauma-informed de-escalation through role-play and mindfulness. We then partnered with Support for Families to facilitate a hands-on Inclusion Audit, helping teams evaluate their own routines and environments to create actionable plans for neurodiverse support.
We facilitated the Classroom Management and Communication workshop for Kids’ Country team. While our ultimate goal is student joy, this session focused on the "secret sauce" of inclusion: adult-to-adult synergy. We explored how the relationship between facilitators, teachers, and parents creates the safety net students need to thrive.
In partnership with Be the Change Consulting, we collaborated with the Redwood Day School team on Restorative Behavior Change—equipping Oakland educators with transformative tools to foster healing and accountability in the classroom.
Book a workshop for your school or organization
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Ed Center, the founder of The Village Well, is a parenting coach and educator certified in the Triple P method. The Village Well is a community of parents in BIPOC families, focused on attaining more joy, calm, and meaning in family life. We coach parents to prioritize their own healing and wellness, deepen connections with their kids, and learn tools to support better behavior. Services include Parenting workshops, Parenting courses, and community events. Our support is culturally-grounded support and honors your unique family. Ready to stop yelling? Schedule a free consultation with one of our team members.
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